The Plan
by BringMeGiants
Summary: So what's Grissom thinking the morning after he wakes up in Sara's bed? Rating is for language, not that... sadly


**Yep - Grissom's at it again. **

**With compliments to sweet-surrender5, stareagle, tokensandbagger, abigailic and everyone else who review so faithfully. It makes one heck of a difference, I tell ya!**

**_Oh look - I won the lottery, bought CSI and I now have Grissom living in my basement. Ain't I the lucky one... yeah - and then I woke up..._**

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**The Plan**

Shit.

Shit, shit…

_Oh, bloody hell…_

Shit, shi--

_Please. Please stop it. Not this crap again…_

Crap is exactly right – and at the moment, we're up to our ears in it…

_Ignoring you. Sleeping. Piss off..._

No more sleeping. We have to—

_No. Not waking up. Not doing this with you. Not today..._

I don't think you grasp the full gravity of the…ah…situation…

_I grasp just fine. You're in Sara's apartment, in Sara's room, in Sara's bed. And not so very long ago – in…cough…Sara._

Aagghh! You just had to go there, didn't you?

_He-he…_

Stop it.

_What?_

Stop bloody smirking. This is bad, this is very, very bad…

_That's not what you were saying a few hours ago. Oh, how quickly they forget…_

Not. Helping. Me. She can wake up at any minute, so stop wasting time by talking out of your ass. We still don't have a plan of action!

_Yes we do. She wakes up, you lay one on her - like you mean it - and we get this party started…again…_

Oh for fuck's sakes!

_Here's hoping…_

Go screw your--

_With a…ah forget it. That one's just too easy. _

_Look, I honestly don't see what all the drama is about._

Really? Then allow me to clarify.

I'm in bed. With her. On the morning after the…uh…let's just say…after the night before - and you don't see the problem?

Want me to draw you a picture?

_You might not _have_ to _draw_ one. Her field kit should be around here somewhere, and if I remember correctly, she keeps her camera right at the top…_

Stop. Please just stop...

_Oh come on. Live a little. You, waking up with an actual, living, breathing human being, is a rarity in itself. The fact that it's Sara – now that truly is an occasion worth recording for posterity. _

_And all you have to do, is just sneak out of bed, get the camera, pull the sheet down a little…_

This might well be the worst day of my life.

_Huh?_

It's true. The day when you find yourself contemplating the fact that _Greg_ is probably more mature than you are, is never going to be a day to remember, is it.

_Ok, ok, ok. Point taken. I shall be an adult and make every effort to keep my mind out of the gutter. It's just a little hard to concentrate on serious matters when she's all soft and sweet smelling and wrapped in your arms, you know? _

Don't remind me. Just…don't.

_Why? _

This is all a bit sudden…I need…time to adjust.

_Sudden! Sudden? You've spent nearly every minute of the last ten damn years thinking about this, and every single night dreaming about it, and now, when it's finally yours, you're having a mental breakdown._

_Unbelievable._

I am not having a mental breakdown. I merely have a few doubts. No, not doubts, really. Um…a few…concerns, if you will.

_Concerns my ass. You're freaking out. You're lying here, without a stitch of clothing on, next to the woman you've quietly obsessed over for a decade, and you're having a little freak out._

Well excuse me for breathing. I realise that you're the suave, glib, I-have-an-answer-for-everything-because-I-think-I'm-so-much-cleverer-than-everyone-else, one, but we have _reason _to be a little worried.

_I'm going to regret this, but…why?_

Well, as you so kindly pointed out a minute ago, me waking up next to a woman – not exactly an event that has occurred with any regularity over the last couple of years.

_Couple of years…couple? Huh…_

Yes, yes, alright. Maybe a little more than a couple…

_Maybe? A little more? Than a couple?_

Look, exact dates and times are of no consequence right now…

_Yeah, you're right. Exact dates and times don't actually bear thinking about. Not even entirely sure you can still remember that far back. Who was in office then? Nixon? Kennedy?_

Oh, ha ha ha. You kill me…

Oh shit.

_What?_

She's moving.

_Uh…yeah. That's usually a good sign…_

Not in this instance you idiot! She's waking up and I still don't have a damn clue what to do about this!

_Nothing! For once in your miserable life, just leave well enough alone, and don't do anything! And for heaven's sake, don't _say_ anything stupid. We all know that the moment you open your big gob around her, nothing but drivel tends to come out._

Crap – her eyes are opening. What do I do!

_Nothing! Just…just…smile and ask her how she slept…this isn't brain surgery, you know. _

Easy for you to say.

Oh shit. Shitty, shit, shit. She's…she's…!

_What the hell are you doing now?_

Pretending to be asleep.

_Are you kidding me? _

_This is possibly the stupidest thing you've done in all your life._

Right now I could give a rat's ass.

_A very well thought out, very mature solution._

Shut up.

What is she doing? Is she awake?

_How the bleeding hell should I know? We're pretending to be asleep, remember?_

Oh, right.

I think I've spotted the flaw in our master plan…

_No shit Sherlock. _

Ok – let's recap. We're in her bed, we have no clothes on, no obvious means of escape and I guess we can't pretend to be asleep forever. Plus - with our eyes shut, it's a little hard to see what she's doing.

Possibly not the smartest plan I've ever come up with.

_You think?_

Look – I don't need the caustic remarks right now. Let's just pool our resources and try and come up with another plan. A better one, if at all possible.

_Well, anything would be an improvement on the last effort._

Bite me.

_Gladly. Meanwhile, get your head out of your ass, open your eyes and just say good morning to her._

And then?

_And then have a little faith, and trust that she'll be able to take it from there. I'm sure she's done this before, you know._

That's it? That's your plan?

_That's my plan. Simple, effective, foolproof. So easy, that I'm willing to guarantee not even you will be able to screw it up._

You could actually be right about that. And let's face it, there aren't too many other options open to me at this particular juncture.

_No, not really. So just grab the bull by the horns, so to speak…_

Yeah. Yeah – why not. Here goes nothing...

_Good plan..._

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